Are you a fan or an opp?

I thought my book would change everything. What happened next messed me up.

This week I had three different types of meetings with three different people and each of those meetings started with the person telling me that they were a huge fan of mine and how my character and my work has influenced/ supported them for years.

Each time, I struggled to fully receive their words. Why? Because I haven’t been my own fan first, I have in fact been an opp (opp Black slang for ‘opposition’ commonly used in hip-hop)

I have a ‘newsletter’ entitled candidly, it’s where I share candidly with my email subscribers, I thought I would share it here too.

Note: Do not use this as an opportunity to send me unsolicited advice.

My book hasn’t sold as many copies as my publisher, or I, would have liked. It’s not a trend-driven book (I’m a classic baby) which means it has the potential to sell units over an extended period of time…

…but the publishing industry has expectations about how books perform within certain timeframes. And almost a year after publication, my book should have sold way more. In terms of physical copies in the UK, my book ‘should’ have sold around 10x what it has done so far.

Thousands of copies of Women Who Work Too Much have sold, and I’m proud of that.

But in publishing terms, my numbers are not a cause for celebration. And because I’d unconsciously tied my worth to sales figures, I started questioning my value and in the spirit of being candid I felt a lot of shame. My fear of being a failure was being realised and it fucked me up, for real.

During the writing process, the enthusiasm around the book was contagious - palpable even.

I got caught up in the idea that Women Who Work Too Much would be the making of me rather than one part of what I bring to the world. The excitement was so infectious it made me less nervous about the realities of being a dark-skinned Black woman in a system that devalues me by design.

I believed that exploring how the systems of oppression impact the way we function as individuals and as a society instead of gaslighting you into believing that all you need is a self improvement plan would have done better - and as I type I am asking myself what that even means?

The reality is that even people with huge audiences who are expected to be bestsellers often struggle with sales, book publishing isn’t an exact science. Whilst I wasn’t sure I’d be on a bestseller list I was sure that I was writing a book more people would want to buy. In my heart I am grateful for each and every sale and to each and every person who purchased Women Who Work Too Much. My brain however is beating a drum as old as rhyme.

I am sharing this with you because it’s important for me to show the not so glam parts of what I do as well as the celebratory stuff. This is what authenticity looks like. I am sharing from the scar rather than the wound.

I consistently receive beautiful messages from readers like this:

- Dr Elizabeth Blakelock

I know my book is great, I flick through the pages and find stuff that makes me say ‘damn Tam you eat with that!”

So I am using the tools I share in my book and remembering to savour and focus on the journey rather than obsess over things I can’t control - it’s a huge challenge but I think I’m worth it.

And this is how I take action in alignment with being my #1 fan.

A slight shift, but still linked to the above…

One of the many wonderful things my book has led to is being the lead facilitator for Santander Bank’s Black Talent Programme. Last week one of the keynote speakers was the co-founder of a £2.3 billion unicorn startup. (He’s not a billionaire, the company he co-founded has been valued at that figure. So don’t worry, I’m not about to start worshipping billionaires!)

But something he said sparked something in me.

I don’t aspire to a billion-pound valuation, but I do want to create a billion-pound impact globally.

Recently, I renamed my membership Strong Woman Detox to reflect its evolution. It’s a sanctuary for women to detox from the strong woman archetype and toxic productivity.

But that’s what it does, not what it is.

I went ahead with changing the name to reflect the shift in the promise/ focus. Although something wasn’t quite right, my desire for progress always outwins my perfectionist tendencies. In my experience excellence is created through taking risks instead of trying to get it right before making a move.

Move with what you have and refine along the way.

I trusted that I just needed to take the leap, and the way would become clear.

On the journey home from facilitating, I reflected on what it would take to build a world-class brand with unicorn impact. And just like that, it became clear:

My membership is about sovereignty, about being the head of your own life, rather than the tail of other people’s expectations (damn that was good! Please read that sentence again).

So, I’m proud to announce its new identity: The Sovereign Woman Membership, a nod to my first group coaching programme, which transformed my business.

From recognising where I was being an opp to choosing to build a brand with a billion-pound impact, here’s what I’m reminding myself of:

I am the magic.

I am the value.

I am the worth.

And dear one, so are you.

Our pizazz isn’t in our achievements or in the praise of others. That praise simply reflects what’s already innate within us.

You’re either your own fan or your own opposition.

There’s no middle ground.

Which one are you choosing?

With love and powerful truth.