The Courage to Disappoint

And set yourself free

“...many of the choices we make are the result of ingrained conditioning that permeates society from the pop charts to boardrooms, to how the dishwasher is loaded.

In this environment, connecting to who you are and acknowledging your true self and your needs feels unsafe – because when you do, you’re faced with two options: either experience the short-term pain of making changes that may include losing some relationships or consciously choose the ongoing pain of assisting in your own oppression and lose yourself – to me, that’s the worst kind of betrayal." - Women Who Work Too Much

Every day, we navigate a world stifled by unconscious contracts and expectations that impact our environments and send our bodies signs that it’s not safe for us to be who we are. These signs are detected by our sophisticated wisdom of our bodies which inform our thoughts and govern our lives. 

Our journey towards authenticity demands that we are willing to disappoint. Authenticity challenges us to step beyond the predictable zones we mistake for comfort. The zones of our former selves and the roles others have cast for us. Authenticity requires us to embrace the growing pains that often come with relational and personal upheaval. Authenticity knows this disruption leads to cultivating a level of inner safety that tells us we can trust ourselves. We are prepared to take the risk of standing in who we are instead of folding into the shape of another. 

The unconscious social and emotional contracts are in such fine print they are like some form of O2 that’s able to permeate through our society, breathing their terms and conditions through melodies that top popular music charts, to the unwritten rules governing boardrooms, down to the invisible vows we create in relation to domestic and emotional labour. Print so fine and influential it shapes our choices without our consent. This pervasive conditioning influences not just our actions, but the very fine details of our desires, dreams, and what we consider possible for ourselves. For women and even more so for women of the global majority, these influences are actually limitations, simultaneously clipping our wings and lowering our altitude. 

The path of self-liberation is fraught with challenges. It includes bearing the short-term pain of change that will redefine your relationships, your career, and your self-image. This path requires a kind of bravery that's not often celebrated because it's not the loud, conspicuous heroism of the hero’s journey. It’s the quiet, relentless courage of authenticity in a world that wants conformity, convenience and silence. It's a slow corrosion of your identity, where the cost is measured not in dramatic losses but in the gradual fading of your radiance and joy, a sacrifice at the altar of external approval.

The process of evolution and self-discovery inevitably means confronting the probability of disappointment, not just disappointing others but also facing the pain and grief of outgrowing previous versions of ourselves. And this can feel disappointing because we are seduced by the idea that growth should feel good but any plant time lapse video will show you, purposeful growth requires grit and determination.

However, we must take heart as these apparent disappointments are signposts of our growth, marking the moments we choose alignment over approval, authenticity over acceptance. Truth over dishonesty. Signs that tell us we have relinquished the role of the ‘good girl’ and have chosen to be bold women instead.

When I started my business in 2018, I received what felt like a lot of criticism from someone close to me. I had been #doingthework and therefore recognised that this person was reacting to me no longer playing my part in the roles we used to play to fit into others' narratives. I was writing my own story. I was no longer betraying my heart's calling as a means of avoiding (perceived) disapproval. I was no longer repeating patterns of disappointment that stemmed from my childhood. I was repairing the rupture caused by orienting towards external validation and invalidating my truth.

Reparenting, and liberation

I choose to reparent myself by prioritising my needs even when they feel too needy and make choices that serve the future me instead of serving the fears of the past - even if it means disappointing others. Of course there are times when survival takes hold and I forget but then I remember and that’s what counts. 

This journey of self-realignment is bloody scary but the fright reduces with practice. Once I ground myself I can feel the liberation and expansion I’ve gained like energetic strength training. It creates a feeling of respect that can only be found by living in truth.

And this truth clears the path for people and environments that cherish us as we are.

Tomorrow I’ll tell you about the name change.